From flying to failures-Lust and Rust

Its been a long time since I update this blog with something . So today I thought lets roll the ball again. As my caption goes on 'From flying to failures-Lust and Rust ' , it reflects the state of my mind. Its been nearly two years I graduated from REC durgapur and landed up in Cisco Systems, Bangalore. Life in college was full of fun and enjoyment ,shielded from the procs and cons of Corporate life : Reminded me of a dialogue of RDB "College vich DJ ke baadi pehchan hai .. log kehte hai ..Dj mein baadi baat hai .. Par college ke bahir acha acha DJ piss gaye " . I still remember the day when I left the college , It was hell for me as I lived a life in the college . But the day my journey finished , i understood that : The five elements (water, earth, fire,space,air) are not always equally predominant ; the four seasons make way for each other in turn . There are short days and long; the moon has its period of waning and waxing.
Joining Cisco Systems , becoming mentee of a guy who has done double PDH from stanford and working with a staff who has patents and even books published , gave me a chance to look at 'Artifice of deviation' . I tried to learn about how you can bury the past of relationship , love, emotions which REC durgapur injected in me , but as you also know the problem with approach is that the past claws its way out and I got a very good friend circle in the company .. where people work not because they are paid to but because they want to do .. where people stay late nights not because their manager told them to but because other guys are also staying late for meetings , where fun is an important aspect of professional culture. These two years of my life appeared like a whole life time journey full of experiences of appreciations , meetings, Coffee at breakout area , the mail chains , the unrelated scandals ;-p and lot more learning , hands patting my back & tousling my hair.

Aah ..!!! Now you must be thinking what the shit I am talking of . By the title it looks something else :-). Let me pen down that also . The day I joined the Co , I decided I will go for further studies and then go back to my college: REC durgapur . Now that tenure of two years is gone to dust but still I am running with lust of more and more . This lust will soon Rust me down and I will be nothing more than a dead man . Now I have to choose how I am going to die . From few months I am trying to find the answers of this question but hard luck. Then I started reading books . Trying to find myself in these books. Each time I read a book, I feel like a character of that book and I start behave like them. I started feeling the pain and joy of the characters. I still remember the day when I was supposed to meet my sister in forum and Since she was late from office so I started reading the book 'For one more day' , I don't know what happened to me , all of a sudden the world around me changed. I started feeling like I am Charley and all whats happening with him is happening with me . I felt myself like a drunkard who had been cast out of human society. But the best part of it is ,with each story and each character , I felt my presence in that situation . So all books to me looks like my story of life .
I am sure that I am boring you , but I am loving it to pen down myself . Chalo let me put some masala like bollywood movies :-). Few days back I was reading 'Kite Runner'. Personally if you will ask me , I didn't like the story in a whole , half of it till Amir was in Afghanistan , It was fine then it become like a boring to me . Anyways this part of Kite runner I loved ,where the narrator of the story 'Amir' wrote his first story :
" It was a dark little tale about a man who found a magic cup and learned that if he wept into the cup, his tears turned into pearls. But even though he had always been poor, he was a happy man and rarely shed a tear. So he found ways to make himself sad so that his tears could make him rich. As the pearls piled up, so did his greed grow. The story ended with the man sitting on a mountain of pearls, knife in hand, weeping helplessly into the cup with his beloved wife’s slain body in his arms."

He got lots of appreciations from everyone about his story . In the evening , he called his friend cum cook "Hassan"(an illiterate kid ). Hassan listened the story and also praised Amir of the story but he asked a doubt to Amir :
“Well,” he said, “if I may ask, why did the man kill his wife? In fact, why did he ever have to feel sad to shed tears? Couldn’t he have just smelled an onion?”
I was really amazed at Hassan's answer . It reminded of another event happened at my team-mate's home. My team mate is having two daughters - nearly 5 years and 7 years old. Everyday these kids used to play 'teacher student game' , where the elder one becomes a teacher and the younger one a student . For few days this game went on fine where Teacher checks the homework of the student and yells at the student(younger one). One day the younger one decided that No more teacher student game because she was always the Victim ;-p , but the elder one didn't agree , So after 5-10 minutes of discussions the younger one agreed to play the game . When the elder one : Teacher asked for the homework , the younger one replied "today the student is sick and here is the Sick leave. Student is absent" . The teacher was stunned with the answer and so Do I and everyone on the reply: its really very very logical reply :-) .
This was another aspect of our life . Such events lower the intensity of monotonous routines of our lives. We need something which makes us feel that we are still alive. Same is the case with me now. I don't know which way I am going . "When you don't know which way to go, any road will take you there". I think I was much more human in college than now. It reminded me Alchemist's saying " At a certain point in our lives , we loose control of what's happening to us , & our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie" and I am living in that lie now. I need to come out of the cycle of Lust : Here the lust has sentimental as opposed to monetary value.
Last week I finished Jonathan seagull, which gave me few good directions to go to but i need to work hard to understand the real pathway . Once a guy who used to dream only of flying is now lying somewhere in the sands of time , cursing himself and the whole world . But i need to understand whats True .. whats real and whats me ?? One more important point we need to understand "We need to understand what we really are , what really makes me happy Because I will radiate whats in me : If I will be sad , i will radiate sadness around me and if I will be happy I will radiate happiness around me ". So now the important question "What makes me happy ?". Few things i know :One is books which make me happy and other is My mother : Because there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all our stories is always our mother's story , because her's is where ours begin.

"What caused an echo ?"
The persistence of sound after the source has stopped.
"When can we hear an echo?"
When it is quite and other sounds are absorbed .


NOW when it will be quite, I will hear the Voice : Neither of male nor of female , neither loud nor soft, a voice infinitely kind. And the voice will say to me "When you can't go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward and the best way is ................................."