A picture depicting the whole life . A picture of my inner self. I dont know whats in this picture which makes me feel that I am that paper man, trying to burn myself. I know most of the folks will think its some depression or frustration. But fact is that its the search of real me. Working days and night to fix bugs, to work on enhancements ,to follow up meetings , to boot up routers and test my code changes , all is well. But its not reflecting the real me . Now-a-days whenever i tell this to others, the most common reply is "I think you need a break , go .. have some vacations, enjoy with friends and family" ,but no one understands the feelings of resentment of being What I am and what I am doing . I don't know why I am feeling like this , may be 'I really need a break' or may be 'I need to break the wall' . Whatever i do , whether awake or sleep , some thoughts always keep on floating into my mind . The thoughts "Why i really exist???" "Is only earning good , spending good , working good is LIFE about" "What is that I want to be ??" "Am i really ME??" "What's MY Problem" "Why am I 'AIMLESS' ?" "Whats the real confusion?" "Don't I have guts to quit everything and find the truth about me " "What is that am I living for?" "Why .. why .. why" . These screams of "WHY" have made my life miserable . This pic seems to be me with several burnt match sticks around showing My failures to attain the ultimate TRUTH , my previous failed attempts to find me . The clock facing opposite from that paper man, seems like the clock of my life ,stopped somewhere and now pulsating only with one thought "Can this be the final attempt of me of finding ME ?? ". Time seems to have stopped for me at only one thought. Will I be able to make it this time or will it be again a failed attempt like other burnt match stick. Will it be half burnt match stick , I will find half truth and keep on struggling of the other half ... Or will i try again for this with new attempts like the unburnt match sticks.
But whatever be the future, present is "I am confused . I am searching for something which is within me .." .Dont know when this search will go away or how I will find answers of unknown questions. How ?? how ?? how ??? and When ?? . The Two words can describe my life "AIMLESS LIFE"
Maut tu ek kavitaa hai
mujhse ek kavita ka vada hai milegi mujhkodoobti nabzon mein jab dard ko neend aane lage
zard sa chehra lekar jab chaand ufaq tak pahunche
din abhi paani mein ho, raat kinaare ke kareeb
na andhera na ujaala ho, na abhi raat na din
jism jab khatm ho aur rooh ko jab saans aaye
mujhse ek kavita ka waada hai milegi mujhko
and this one
Zindagi aur maut upar wali ke haath hai jahanpanah !!!!
usse naa tho aap badal sakte hai naa mein
Hum sab tho rang manch ki kaatputliyaan hai
jin ki door uppar walle ki unngliyo mein bandhi hui hai
kab kaun kaise uthe ga ye koyi nahi bata sakta
